Before you read this I recommend you read the “Why Am I Here” page. It will give you some much needed context. Follow me here and on Twitter @youbelievemyths . You can also follow me on Facebook a facebook.com/truthandrelationships. Everyone who shares this information is helping to change things for the better!

A Letter To Relationship Experts

I know you’re trying to help people. I know your heart is in the right place. I know you hold advanced degrees that I don’t hold. I know you believe the things you say are exactly what people need to hear. I know you find support for your teachings everywhere you look. I know you think people will be happier if they listen to you. I know you’re going to immediately discount my ideas. I know you’re wrong.

In truth, you are responsible for widespread pain and frustration. You have negatively affected the lives of not only the people you counsel, but also everyone they interact with at home, at work, and out in public. You have changed people for the worse. You have negatively affected generations of their families, and generations to come.

If any of you believed what I just told you, you’d stop what you were doing immediately. The problem is you don’t believe me. So I’m here now to give you a real life example of what your expert opinions do. I’m here to show you what you do to people’s lives. I’m here to stop you.

I’m a normal guy. I grew up, went to college, met a woman, and got married. I was a happy, upbeat, outgoing person when I did it. Then my relationship changed me. My relationship was frustrating. It was up and down. There were great times and there were horrible times. Those things made me angry and that anger changed my reactions to the world around me. Within a period of a couple years I knew I didn’t want to act the way I was acting and I didn’t want to live the life I was living. That’s when I came to you for help.

The first thing you did to negatively affect my life was to tell me that my relationship was normal. You told me it was just like most other relationships you’ve helped people with before. Of course it was. All of us came to see a marriage counselor. We all had serious problems.

The next thing you did to negatively affect my life was convince me to compromise. You told me to give up things I loved that my wife didn’t, and find other things the two of us could “enjoy together.” Every time I listened to you and did something new, I lost out on the happiness I would have experienced by doing the things I truly wanted to do. I let you convince me to eliminate positive experiences from my life so I could prolong a relationship with someone that routinely brought negativity into it. I listened to you because you’re the “expert.” I became more frustrated. I became even angrier.

I came back to you for more help years later and you negatively affected me again. You convinced me that my desire to repair my relationship in lieu of all this negativity meant I loved my wife. It meant I would always love her. It meant we could get through anything together.

What I felt for her was obligation, frustration, anger and annoyance. You changed my definition of love that day. You convinced me that those negative emotions were part of love. You were wrong.

I didn’t love her. I know that now. You should have known that then. The truth is I was just afraid to fail. I was afraid to get divorced. I let you convince me that my fear, was fear of losing someone I loved. You’re supposed to be an expert! You were wrong.

It was then that I began to realize that you consider yourself an expert in saving marriages. That doesn’t allow you to be an expert when it comes to helping individuals. That realization scared me to death. You were never there to help me. You were there to help my marriage. Whatever the cost, you wanted me to stay married and you didn’t think about whether or not that would allow me to be happy. You didn’t even consider the fact that it was my marriage that was making me unhappy.

We had kids. You had an opportunity to help me see the reality of my situation two different times in a 6 year period before that happened, but you failed. You convinced me to stay with her and we brought children into your version of a loving, normal relationship. We are now forever connected. Now she will forever be a part my life. I love my children more than anything, but they didn’t have to be her children too. I would have had children with my current wife. I could have shared that amazing experience with someone I truly love. You took that joy away from me.

I came to you again three years later. I wasn’t a good person anymore. I wasn’t upbeat. I wasn’t fun to be around. I had a horrible temper and a short fuse. I was frustrated with the limitations I let you to convince me I should impose on myself. I was beat down by the constant rollercoaster of negative experiences I shared with my wife. I drank too much. I yelled too much. I cried too much. All of this was a direct result of your counsel. All of it was because of compromise, and hard work, and refusal to give up on my marriage.

We were both miserable. We were both angry and frustrated and scared. After you assessed us, you said out loud that we weren’t compatible. You said out loud that we could both be happier if we found someone we were more compatible with. I respected you for that. Then you lost all my respect by telling us that we should still fight for our marriage. You said we should compromise more. You said we should allow you to help us change and you could make us happier. You proved to me that you weren’t concerned about me. You were concerned about my marriage.

I stopped listening to you. I stopped believing all relationships were going to be like that. I did the exact opposite of everything you ever told me people “have to do to be happy.” I got divorced.

I started doing everything I wanted to do. I refused to give up anything I loved. I started looking for someone who believes everything I believe. I refused to compromise. I stopped believing that no two people can ever be perfect for each other. I found someone who is perfect for me. I married her.

I’m back to being an upbeat, outgoing person. I’m successful in my work life and absolutely blissful at home. I’m healthy and happy and patient and calm. I’m a great father, a great husband, a great son and a great friend. I’m the type of person who is a positive influence on my children, my friends, my business associates and anyone in public I interact with.

The only things that frustrate me now are remembering all the hard times I let you convince me to experience, and the knowledge that you continue to damage other lives the way you damaged mine. I’m going to do everything I can to stop you. I’m going to help those people see the real truth not your version of it.