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What I’m about to say is probably going to be scrutinized as one of the most unpopular things that anyone could possibly say. I ask that you read it though entirely and give it sincere thought.

I truly believe that people who stay in what society calls “a normal marriage” repeatedly work through hard times. They also disagree, routinely argue, and routinely compromise. During that repeated routine, those couples suffer. They then wear that suffering like a badge of honor.

Couples who live that way talk about those struggles as if they are fighting some sort of noble fight that we should all strive to be a part of. They take pride in the “success” and the “accomplishment” of staying together and refusing to become another divorce added to the one million+ that occur each year. They think they are somehow an example that should be held up as the best possible outcome. They believe their willingness to stubbornly fight for their marriage is somehow a solution to their problems in and of itself.

Here’s what all those people need to realize. You aren’t a solution. You are the problem!

Choosing to stay in that type of relationship doesn’t make you noble. It makes you stubborn and it makes you common. It makes you one more example of a dysfunctional couple that others look to when defending their own dysfunctional relationship. It makes you the example your children use to define their own troubled relationship as normal in the future.

If you routinely argue with your spouse, struggle to find happiness, compromise and give up things you really want, or worse, deal with infidelity or abuse, and you then take pride in the fact that you’ve worked through those hard times and stayed together, when you tell people about those experiences, you are telling them that they are less of a person if they aren’t willing and able to do the same thing.

So many people have had those experiences and spread those messages that people like me who are unwilling to deal with those things are looked at as selfish and unreasonable. We are told that we are giving up on a “good relationship” or that we aren’t being realistic in our expectations of what a marriage can really be.

Why? Because we aren’t willing to put ourselves through the same trials that you are willing to put yourself through? Because we aren’t willing to take part in the all too common cycle of fleeting love and years of mediocrity afterwards? Why is your pain and dysfunction a better example to set for society than my happiness and serenity?

I want all of you to understand something. You aren’t the good and noble example that people should strive for. I am.

I’m standing firm against the whole of society who believe that they can’t have any better than a relationship that involves better and worse. Come hell or high water those people “nobly” stand by their spouse and deal with all their differences. There are times when they fight with each other. There are times when they hate each other. There are times when they want to or actually cheat on each other. There are times when they doubt their love. Oh yeah, there are also some happy times. I have those happy times too. The difference is I have them all the time.

I ask you now to consider the price of your ‘happiness.” While you may decide for yourself that your happy times make up for your dysfunctional times, you need to realize what that decision shows everyone around you. Your relationship affects your siblings, your children, your parents and your friends. If you decide to stay in a relationship full of dysfunction and disagreements, you are teaching all those in your life who observe you, that they should do the same thing.

I’m here to break that mold. I’m here to stop that cycle.

When I chose to get out of that type of relationship, I was ridiculed by family, friends, counselors, and virtually everyone who I talked to. I had the capital D of divorce emblazoned on my chest and I was looked at with disdain by those who are “strong enough” to work through their problems.

I made that choice for a lot of reasons. I didn’t like my life. I didn’t like who I was as a person. I know others who didn’t like me either. I was an angry, frustrated, complaining, difficult person to be around. I had road rage. I was overweight. I was unmotivated. I drank too much. I yelled too much. I cried too much. I was strapped financially. I was strapped emotionally. People pitied me when they saw what I was going through and yet they counseled me to stick with it and give more of myself to make it better.

Let me tell you who I am now. I like me now. Others like me now. I’m calm. I’m happy. I’m constantly upbeat. I’m patient on the road. I’m more fit and trim as a 40 year old man than I was at 18. I’m motivated to do all sorts of things. I accomplish all sorts of things. I don’t drink to excess. I don’t yell. I don’t cry unless I’m crying tears of joy. I’m financially stable. I’m able to turn off all excess noise from the world around me and just relax.

All of this has changed because I changed my opinion of what is noble. I changed my opinion about what being in a good relationship really means.

The people that now observe me and my wife have something to strive for. They have something to believe in. My children have an example that will help them be truly happy in life. My family, friends, parents and children are positively affected by the happiness and comfort they see in my relationship.

So yes, my message is unpopular. I’m uncommon. I’m different. I’m also happy with my wife ALL THE TIME!

Here’s what I want you to take form this. If you routinely struggle to maintain happiness in your current relationship, you need to figure out why. If you eventually figure out that you and your significant other are simply different people and those differences cause your struggles, you need to realize that those things are never going to be resolved.

You need to realize that your relationship will become more and more frustrating, and more and more difficult because of those things. You need to realize that others will see those frustrations and difficulties and consider them normal. You need to realize that you are teaching others to accept difficulties as well.

You are not being noble. You are not being strong. You are being stubborn. You are blindly buying into to societal pressure and norms without considering the alternatives because society has taught you that those alternatives are impossible.

I’m here to tell you that those alternatives are possible. I’m here to tell you that you could be happier. I’m living the alternative that people tell you is impossible. You could have a positive effect on the lives of many people around you and generations of your family to come if you choose to live the alternative as well.

You could be a shining example of what others should strive for rather than being their proof of what they think they have to deal with. You could be happier, calmer, more motivated, and more successful. You could spend the rest of your life laughing, loving and caring about the person you choose to be with…every…single…day.

You could have a dramatic positive impact on your world rather than the negative impact you feel is noble right now.

I know your first reaction is to say that you wouldn’t give up what you have now for anything in the world. Know this…if you lived the way I’m living now, if you knew the positive impact it would have on you, your spouse, your children, your family, your coworkers, your society as a whole…yes you would.

You are blinded by the opinions of the people around you. You are blinded by what you were taught. You think that I’m one person trying to dispute what all of the other people in the world believe. But you’re wrong. There are others that believe what I believe. They just haven’t decided to take this active role in spreading this truth.

I’ve chosen to fight a one man battle against a deep rooted myth about relationships. Just because my way of thinking isn’t as widespread as the belief that all relationships will be difficult, that doesn’t make my belief any less valid. After all, I can show you an actual life that proves what I’m saying is true, all you can give me to dispute what I’m telling you is vague sayings and generalities.

Stick with me and I’ll continue to show you that proof.